Baby Shows Are Evil
by Hybrid-Sunshine
Summary: Chase is MAD when his TV is taken over by a certain evil purple dinosaur, who has an evil plot to take over the world. Rated for language, violence, & possible character death.Full summary inside.
1. New TVs and Old Enemies

Disclaimer: I don't own 'Xiaolin Showdown' or any baby shows that happen to be mentioned in this ridiculous story, though I'm pretty sure no one's used this idea yet... But if someone has and it was RaiKim, then, no, I have not read it for... uh... obvious reasons.

Also, I'm not putting much effort into this. It was just, what you all call, an evil plot bunny that wouldn't go away, so, yeah, it's most likely going to be so crappy, it's not even funny.

Yeah, in case you haven't noticed, I believe baby shows are evil. They just scare me... Also, Chase will be out of character in this chapter. He'll be all better in later chapters, though. Don't have a heart attack. I'll shut up now and let you read this.

--

Baby Shows Are Evil

Summary

Chase Young gets a new TV and invites everyone else to watch it. However, he gets mad when a certain evil purple dinosaur, in an attempt to conquer the world using a TV signal, makes all the channels to show childeren television programs! Will the main Xiaolins and Heylins be able to stop the evil dinosaur and his minions of baby evilness from his evil scheme to corrupt and take over the earth? You'll know if you read past this summary. **_Rated for bad language, violence, and possible character death._**

Chapter 1

New TVs and Old Enemies

"OH YEAH! It's my birthday! Gonna party like it's my birthday!"

"Chase, stop! You're freakin' us out!"

But, despite Dojo's words, Chase continued to be out of character and continued to dance, singing his version of the "It's Your Birthday" song. Everyone, along with Dojo, were either cowering in their seats or cheering Chase on.

All right, it all started when Chase Young just _happened _to be passing by in Chicago (HUNDREDS of miles away from his home) and stole a lottery ticket from a homeless person. When he returned home, he asked Wuya what you were supposed to do with it. She didn't know, so she said, "Ask Jack.", so he did. Spicer told Chase he was supposed to scratch the place where it said "SCRATCH HERE AND SEE IF YOU'VE WON", so Chase did scratch. He asked Jack what it meant when he got three $1,000,000 numbers in a row and the Evil Boy Genius, who was very shocked, told him that he had just won the lottery and could win a prize, mainly the money. At first, Chase wasn't too thrilled about it, especially the fact that he had to go all the way back to Chicago to cash in his ticket.

Jack then asked the old young-looking warrior if there was something he wanted but just couldn't get. Chase thought about it and said, "Well, I have been wanting a plasma screen television that was the size of my wall...". When Jack told Chase he could get it when he got the cash, Young went ballistic and instantly teleported out of Jack's basement to turn in his lotto ticket. He got the plasma screen TV and was so excited about it, he called the Xiaolin Warriors, Jack, and even Hannibal Bean to come watch his TV. He was hyperventilating when he was telling them to come over, which surprised everyone greatly.

So, here they all were, Omi, Raimundo, Kimiko, Clay, Dojo, Hannibal, Ying-Ying, Wuya, and Jack, all sitting in seats and couches in a room that no one even knew Chase's home possessed, not even Chase himself. He found it when he was looking for a spot to put the TV where it would actually fit. He was currently dancing happily.

"Well?" Raimundo spoke. "Are we gonna watch TV or what?"

Chase paused, standing on one foot and his hands in awkward positions. He returned to his normal pose with his hands behind his back, a huge grin on his face. "Right, right. This television has satellite cable and gets every channel ever made; HBO, Cartoon Network, CBS, UPN, BET, Telemundo, The Japanese Playboy Channel, SAL (Stone Aged Living), you name it, it's a channel! It has surround sound, making it seem like you are actually there. It says that you can make the images three dimensional, but I haven't tried that out yet. I even hooked up a PS2 and a DVD player I stole from some little kid! I don't have any games or DVDs, so, whatever. And it has TiVo action! YAY FOR TiVo!" He said this in a VERY fast tone.

"Chase, you're getting out of character again." Jack pointed out.

Wuya slapped the back of his head. "Shut up! Let him! He's more fun this way!"

Clay rubbed his hands together excitedly. "Can you get RFD on here?"

"Yes, but we will not be watching it because it is BORING!" Chase shouted.

Clay folds his arms and looks away. "RFD is not boring..."

"Trust me. One can only watch trains and tractors for just so long." Chase takes out the remote and sits in between Jack and Omi on the very soft couch. "Time for some good ol' mind-numbing television."

And so, the TV-watching marathon began. Although, they were mainly channel surfing, looking for something good to watch. Chase, of course, was the one using the remote, for he clearly stated that it was forbidden for anyone else to use it without his consent or else he would rip off their hand and put it in a jar and place the jar on the coffee table for all to see.

Food Network.

"NEXT."

Nickolodeon.

"NEXT."

'Boobah'?

"AAAAAH!"

(FLIP FLIP FLIP!)

"Ah! Here we go! Sci Fi channel!"

(A/N: Okay, for those who don't know what "Boobah" is, it's a freaky baby show that's pretty much a rip-off of "The Teletubbies". And RFD (Rural Free Delivery) is the most BORING channel EVER unless you like watching endless hours of trains and tractors and hill-billy music (no offence to those who DO like that stuff, it just gets tiring).)

--

**5 HOURS LATER...**

--

They all were currently watching "Kakurenbo: Hide and Seek", since 'adult swim' was showing it again. They watched as the boy with fluffy blond hair and fox mask with glasses over it trip and fall. He straightens his glasses and his eyes widen because he hears a growl coming from behind him. He slowly turns around and sees the Liver Taker, a demon thing, advancing on him. And just as it was about to attack him... THE TV SUDDENLY TURNED OFF!

Everyone groaned and made furious protests. Chase was the most angry out of all of them. "What the-- WHAT HAPPENED TO MY TV!"

Then, the TV turned back on, but it wasn't the show they were watching, it was just a plain white screen that hurt everyone's eyes, especially since the lights were off in the room. A familiar face then began materializing on the screen, one of a purple dinosaur head with green spots and dark eyes.

"Hello, boys and girls! We interupt this program to give you a very special marathon--"

Hannibal Bean jumped on Ying-Ying and flew up real close to the screen. "Well, well, well. If it ain't my ol' friend, Barney."

The dinosaur head's eyes crossed so they could look directly at the talking bean. It grinned maliciously. "...Hannibal. How long has it been? Last I heard, you were trapped in the Yin-Yang world."

"Well, I was released not too long ago. So, what've you been up to?"

"Oh, nothing much. Just corrupting the minds of kindergarteners and preschoolers all over the world."

Bean smirked. "You do realize that this world's mine? You have no business being here."

Barney's head laughed cruelly. "That curse must be getting to your head, Bean! All worlds are mine for the taking! You know that! Soon, this world shall be mine and there's nothing you can do to stop me! All the channels and all the TVs on Earth have been contaminated by my radio signal. I thought, 'Why stop at children? I could corrupt the entire world! No, the universe!' and I went for it. It works like a charm."

Then, Barney looked further into the room and saw the others; the Xiaolins were ready to fight; Dojo was hiding in Clay's hat; Jack was hiding behind Chase; Chase was enraged; Wuya was on her feet, glaring at Barney-head.

"You have quite a party, Bean. You're going to need all the help you can get. You'll never stop me or my many minions of baby evil! Bye-bye! And remember: Barney loves you!" The screen then turned to the beginning theme sequence of "Barney and Friends". You know, where it shows the colorful outline-shadows of Barney and some kids walking in place or something?

Chase tried changing the channel. The next channel was showing "Dora the Explorer" when it was supposed to be showing "Jaws II: the Revenge" (is it the second or third one that called "The Revenge"? I don't pay attention). The channel after that was showing "Sesame Street" when it was supposed to be showing a marathon of "Lady Sumo Wrestlers That Got Lypoed".

Omi looks at Raimundo. "You were trying to get me to watch 'Barney & Friends', Raimundo! Did you know that he was evil?"

Raimundo thought for a second. "I always had my suspicions, though..."

Wuya looked to Chase. "You're not going to stand for this, are you Chase!"

"No. I. Am. Not." Chase ground out through gritted teeth. Then, he pulled something out of his pocket.

Wuya couldn't believe it. "A SHEN GONG WU!"

Chase continued to hold the Wu up high. "Yes it is."

Dojo peeked out from under Clay's hat. "No wonder we couldn't find it! You had it all along!"

Jack was confused. "What is it? I chose not to show up for that one."

"It's the Virtual Plug-in Thing!" Kimiko said, pointing at the thing Chase was holding.

The Virtual Plug-in Thing looked like a regular wire that you'd use to plug in any electric appliance, but it was a glowing electric-green color and made a hissing noise.

"It allows the user or users to enter the World of TV and actually fool around with actual shows." Dojo explains. "In order to use it, the user must plug it into a remote control, a regular remote control, then hook it up to your TV in any way possible, and shout its name. If numerous people want to go, then they must all be touching the one holding the remote. But, it's very risky. Say, the remote gets lost or broken or the Virtual Plug-in Thing gets unplugged. Then, the users are stuck in the World of TV forever. Unless, someone from the real world comes and re-plugs the Wu or something."

Clay nodds. "Ah... Huh? Now, wait just a cotton-pickin' minute! How were y'all able to make something as high-tech like that 1,500 years back!"

Everyone else gathers around Dojo, fixing him with glares. "Yeah!"

"Well, it was really quite simple--"

"WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!" Hannibal interupts the little green dragon. "We have to stop him before he takes over the world that should be rightfully mine!"

Omi raised a confused eyebrow. "But, I thought he was your friend..."

"'Friend'? How do ya think I came to look like a talkin' bean in the first place! I used to be handsome! Way better lookin' than Young, here!" Bean shouted, pointing a root-like arm at Chase.

Kimiko gasped. "Barney's really that powerful?"

Bean took on a dark voice. "More than you know."

Chase moved his arm so that the wire/Wu was dangling in front of Jack's face. "Plug it in, Spicer. We have a purple dinosaur ass to kick."

--

Well, that was a long and repeating first chapter... Oh, and "lypoed" is a word that I made up (unless someone else thought of it without me knowing?) that means "got lyposuction". "You got lypoed!" Yes, "The Virtual Plug-in Thing" is the Shen Gong Wu's official name. ...What? I couldn't think of anything, so I went for what I normally call stuff!

Go ahead and tell me how stupid this idea is. Even if you don't want me to continue, I'm still going to put up the next two chapters soon anyway, so, NYAH! Just so the idea would leave me alone.


	2. The First Minions of Evil

**Me:** BWAHAHA! I UPDATED THIS STUPID THING! **XD**

**Quan: **She just had Sierra Mist and is VERY hyper right now...

**Me: **I LIKE 'PUNI PUNI POEMY'! AWESOME SHOW! NOT MEANT FOR LITTLE KIDS!

**Quan: **(snuggles Chasey doll, whimpering in fear) Hybrid doesn't own 'Xiaolin Showdown' or 'The Teletubbies'...

**Chasey: **EVIL TELETUBBIES!

**Quan: **Yes, they are...

--

Chapter 2

The First Minions of Evil

A green glow appeared, glowing brightly. When it faded, nine figures materialized onto the scene.

Wuya's knees gave way from wobbly-ness and she landed on her butt. "There's one Wu I'm never using again!"

Chase pocketed his remote and took in his surroundings. "...Where are we?"

"Inside your television, remember?" Omi reminded.

Jack knocked on the bald kid's head. "He means what show this is, Cue-ball!"

Clay taps his chin. "That is a good question..."

They were in a place that was pretty much just small, rolling, grassy hills. There were lots of flowers and the sun was about to rise. The sky was still dark and everything.

Raimundo had a sinking feeling. "Oh man... Please... Be not where I think we are..."

Kimiko was looking around at the scenery. "Why? What's so bad about it?"

Bean and Ying-Ying remained silent, though the bird did whimper.

Then, the horror began.

They all heard a baby giggling. Wuya whirled around in place. "What was that!"

The sun began to rise and all were horrified when they saw that the sun had a **_BABY'S FACE!_** **_WTF!_** It continued to rise and giggle, watching as the land the outsiders were standing in lit up from the light it gave off. The hills turned bright green and the bunnies woke up, hopping everywhere, birds tweeted, the flowers blew in a gentle breeze.

Omi, Kimiko, and Clay watched in awe.

Raimundo and Ying-Ying cowered.

Jack and Chase were like "WTF!".

Bean growled.

Wuya gagged. "Ugh! This is just disgusting!"

Then, some guy's voice was heard!

**"Over the hills and far away, Teletubbies come to play."**

"Who said that!" Jack nervously asked, clinging to Chase's arm.

"Let go if you know what's good for you." Chase grounds out through gritted teeth.

_**IN THE REAL WORLD, NOT THE XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN WORLD...**_

"Man, I'm a **_way_** better narrator than that guy!" the Authoress, Hybrid, gripes. "Or at least make the person John Swasey. He was awesome in 'Puni Puni Poemy'..."

_**BACK TO THE XIAOLIN SHOWDOWN BABY SHOW WORLD BEFORE MORE TIME IS WASTED LISTENING TO SOME WEIRD GIRL RANTING ABOUT HOW GREAT JOHN SWASEY IS...**_

Then, some microphone... things rise out of the ground with something that sounded like someone farting and a woman's falsely perky voice sounded.

_"Time for Teletubbies! Time for Teletubbies!"_

The single windmill began spinning slowly, sparkle things coming from it for some reason.

Chase's ears twitched for a second and he looked behind him. He gasped and began running up the hill, stopping at the top, staring at what he saw.

Omi noticed this. "Chase Young?"

The others followed young Omi up the hill, standing in a group, looking at some kind of dome-house thing that blended in with the green hills, practically a hill itself. Then, they all gasped when somethng jumped out of a hole at the top with bad computerized crap!

It was a purple thing that had an upside-down triangle on its head. "ONE!"

"What in tarnation is that thing!" the cowboy cried out, the question not really directed at anyone.

Then, a green similar thing jumped out, just it had a thing standing straight up on his head. "TWO!"

Wuya stared at it. "Is that a penis on his head?"

A yellow one jumps out and wiggles its stomach. "THREE!"

The things look back into the hole and watch a small red one "jump" out. It had a circle on its head. "FOUR!"

Then, they started giggling. The singing continued, the narrator the singer.

_Teletubbies! Teletubbies!_

_Say Hello!_

Everyone screamed as four... things appeared next to them on the screen and waved to the unfortunate people watching.

"EH-OHHH!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! CHASE! SAVE ME!" Jack screamed, jumping into Chase's arms.

Chase makes a disqusted noise and drops him.

The singing continues.

_Tinky-Winky._

The purple one dances. "TINKY-WINKY!" (A/N: LMAO! What image does that name give you?)

_Dipsy._

The green one dances. "Dip-say."

_La-La._

The yellow one dances. "La-La!"

_Po._

The red one hops. "Po!"

Omi's eye twitches. "I believe I am about to throw down..."

The Teletubbies start running into each other. Tinky-Winky and Dipsy run into each other, falling over, giggling.

_Tinky-Winky._

_Dipsy._

La-La and Po do the same.

_La-La._

_Po._

_Teletubbies!_

_(Teletubbies) Teletubbies!_

_Big Hug._

The four 'Teletubbies' get together and hug. "Big Hug! Aw!"

Now it was Chase's turn to have his eye twitch. "It's just one thing after another."

Jack, Bean, and the warriors just stare.

Ying-Ying shivers, continuing to whimper.

Wuya takes Clay's hat and barfs in it. When she returned to normal, "I CAN'T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS!"

--

Now, the reason why I seem to know so much about this dumb show is because I am forced to watch it with my sister when I have to baby-sit her. Feel sorry for me.


	3. Teletubbie Horror

Holy Crap... I've been gone _FOREVER_... Dang, the XS fandom sure is getting small. (shrug) Oh, well. I've been really busy, what with High School and babysitting and having a _SECOND _baby sister to deal with... She's screaming right now and it hurts my ears _so _bad. But, DAMN, she's cute... Anyways, I'ma try to get back into writing fanfiction. I figured that this'll be practice, ease me back in with just typing crack chapters to this crack story.

**Rath:** 'S about damn time!

**Ayame:** Seriously!

**Leo:** Finally!

**Quan:** Yeah.

**Chasey:** LAZY!!

**Shuyin:** (sigh)

Well, you can see that _they _haven't left me alone for all this time.

**Disclaimer:** Would you believe that, in all that time in not posting or updating anything, I **_STILL _**don't own Xiaolin Showdown?

Back to the 2-year-old story that I doubt anyone'll read after all this time!

* * *

Chapter 3

**Teletubbie Horror**

The Xiaolin and Heylin people watch in horror and disgust as the seriously weird alien-whatchamacallits started laughing and dancing happily, hugging each other, announcing it as they did so. Then, the tall purple one spotted the foreigners. It pointed at them and started walking up to the weirded-out group.

"What is that?" Tinky-Winky asked to apparently no one in particular, staring at the viewers.

_It was the main characters from Xiaolin Showdown Season 3._

Jack was freaked out once again. "WHERE IS THAT VOICE COMING FROM?!" He began searching frantically for the source, becoming a little bit paranoid.

The other three Teletubbies came over to the purple one's side. Said Teletubbie looked at them and gestured toward the Xiaolins and Heylins. "Main characters from Xiaolin Showdown Season 3!"

"Oooh!" They began examining them, touching and poking the newcomers from the Real World.

Po moved to stand in front of Chase Young, staring up the height of the half-man half-lizard.

Said villain glowered coldly back down at the red thing, attempting to intimidate it.

Po, oblivious to Chase's efforts, asked the same 'person' his purple friend did, "Who is that?"

_It was Chase Young._

"Ooh! Chase Young!"

"Yes, and you had better get away from him." Chase grounded out through clenched teeth.

Instead, the red thing decided to pull on the evil villain's sash, fascinated by the golden eye that seemed to be the center-point of the man's person.

_All right_, he thought, _you just crossed the line, buddy._

Chase cocked his leg back and gave the foolish creature a good hard kick in the stomach, sending it flying in the air. It slammed back down onto the side of their hill, rolling all the way back down to the bottom.

"I gave you fair warning, worm." Chase sneered.

The other three Teletubbies apparently noticed the fourth's absence and turned around to watch a rolling red ball-shaped creature finish its journey down the hill. Once it stopped, Po sat there silently for a minute in disbelief. Then, it opened its mouth and emitted the loudest, shrillest, most disturbing sound that sounded similar to someone simply slamming their palms on the high pitched side of a church organ and keeping them there, keeping a long sustained cord.

Omi, Kimiko, Raimundo, Clay, Dojo, Wuya, Chase, Jack, and Hannibal covered their ears, grinding their teeth, clenching their eyes tight shut, trying to keep the unwanted sound out of their heads, failing miserably. (A/N: Does Bean have ears? What would he cover?)

Unfortunately, Ying-Ying had no hands to cover his ear holes, so had to bear with the horrid noise pollution. Though, his body reached its limit of how much sound abuse it could take and with a widening of his eyes, POOF, HE 'SPLODED INTO A PUFF OF BLACK AND SILVER FEATHERS!!

The talking bean stared in horror at the pile of feathers that was once his faithful partner in crime. "No! YING-YING!! NOOOOOOOOOO!! YOU SHALL BE AVENGED, MY FRIEND!!"

Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, and La-La joined in with Po's symphony of horror.

Kimiko cracked open one eye, then blinked both eyes in order to confirm what she was seeing. "WHAT THE HELL?!" she shouted as loudly as she could, just so she could hear herself through her covered ears.

Only Chase, Wuya, and Dojo reluctantly opened their eyes to see what Kimiko was yelling about, considering that they had super-hearing. They gaped in disbelief.

The sky was darkening to a deep, blood-red color, the grass and clouds turned black, as if the world were inverting itself, the wind howling and whipping in gusty lashes around the Xiaolin characters.

The sun went from being an adorable-but-freaky baby face to looking like a traditional-looking Japanese demon head, inwardly curved teeth sharpened to fierce standards. (click link on Hybrid-Sunshine's profile for sort of what I mean)

The cute little bunnies that were hopping around suddenly stopped and began shaking violently. Their teeth lengthening, sharpening, their fur going from pettable-soft to porcupine-brisly-prickly. The newly formed bunny-monsters growled savagely and began advancing upon the group of outsiders.

The flowers ceased being pretty and turned a nasty puce color, transforming into something that resembled killer venus fly-traps, snapping their jaws ferociously, sap-like drool oozing out.

The microphones rose from the fields and said in a scary, distorted voice, "_Tiiiiiiiiiiiime... foooooooooorrrr... Tubbbbbbbbbbby... Byyyyyyyyyyye-byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyye..._"

The now scary-looking Teletubbies grouped together and stopped their screech, behind their army of once-adorable things. They glared at the Xiaolin Warriors and their enemies, pure bloodlust in their gaze.

The Warriors, Bean, and Jack carefully uncovered their ears and looked on in horror at the sight, joining Chase, Kimiko, Wuya, and Dojo's terror.

Omi looked at the army of baby evil that was advancing toward them. "That is it. I am _never_ going to watch baby shows..."

* * *

Wow... To think THIS was sitting in my head for the longest time... Well, sure I made some stuff up as I went, but still... I must be repressing SOMETHING. Well, do you still want me to continue, people-who-bothered-to-read-this-craptastic-crack-fic? I don't think this chapter was that funny. Disturbing... (shudder) But I gotta say, it was kinda refreshing. :)

BUT!! It was DAMN hard to write when there are _TWO BABY SISTERS IN THE SAME ROOM CRYING AND SCREAMING THEIR HEADS OFF AND ASKING FOR MILK AND CRACKERS AND PEANUT BUTTER_-- **frustrated rant cut off due to annoying whinyness**


End file.
